No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth or lose my internet connection. I haven't had and still really don't have much to blog about. I've been back home with my girl for 3 weeks and it's absolutely fabulous. I'm exhausted daily. Who knew being a SAHM was such hard work? I feel like I'm always working! It's so much harder then sitting around at the SOE with my thumb up my ass but so much more rewarding.
Rita turned 16 months last week. She is so amazing. I wish ALL of my friends were nearby to experience her. She started saying "Cheese" for pictures if you ask her to. She is throwing things all over the house and squealing. She was playing peekaboo at the neighbors house today with her 15 month old and they were cracking up. I thought I might die because they are so damn cute together!! She brings me matching pairs of shoes. It usually means she wants to play outside, but the fact she brings me matching shoes is amazing! Her and the cat are getting so chummy. She points to his ear and says "A" then to his nose and says "A" and Tigger just sits there purring.
Rita no longer wants to ride in cart (basket, buggy, stroller all of the above) She can walk and dammit she is walking. "Don't carry me!" she says with a grunt. Any store I go into I need a list and we need to stick to it and get in and out! I never wanted to be one of those people whose kids are unruly and whiny in a store. I never truly understood that the parents aren't in control! Try telling a 16 month old no. Or behave. It's a joke! They are going to do what they want when they want and if they want to scream about it they will! In fact, Rita is almost embarrassing in the grocery store. She screams and squeals and points and giggles - at what you may ask? PRODUCE. Yup, FRUITS AND VEGETABLES! She causes such a commotion that people come over from other places to see what all the excitement is. You'd think Barney, Elmo, Big Bird and the Wiggles were all performing at once. But no, it's lettuce. Or apples. I should take the video camera with me. It's just nuts! I'm lucky she is so damn cute. Instead of dirty looks we get smiles and comments like "At least it's not the candy aisle."
I'm dealing with some anxiety issues again. It's getting hard for me to leave the house. I have a wonderful friend/neighbor who encourages me to get out and meet her and her daughter at the park or where ever. She is seriously saving my life. I'm still on my meds, even upped the dosage. Yet still in fear of the world. It's very important to me to teach Rita to not be afraid She is saving my life as well. I want her to have the self esteem I never had as a child. I want her to grow up and have confidence not to put up with other people's shit. I want her to be able to deal with bullies at school. I want her to have a different childhood than I had. Hiding in the house isn't going to help her achieve that.
With that said, there is a whole world out there. I need to make myself a part of it. Now.
See: I am 40% abnormal: You are at medium risk for having a social phobia. It is somewhat likely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.